That'll Teach Me To Volunteer

It’s been a week now, and I still get twitches when I think about it, but I want to tell you about my pistol of a nephew.

I don’t know what possessed her, but Lovi felt she and the DB were entitled to a weekend without children. Harrumph! Arrangements had previously been made for MFS to spend the nights over there. I don’t know what he was thinking (or maybe I do), but he had messed up and had scheduled appointments until late Friday. Nice mommy and sister that I am, I offered to take Levi overnight and until MFS finished Saturday.

MFS now owes me WAY more than an ER co-pay.

The kid cannot sit still or be quiet. The talking and the questions started as soon as we got in the car to bring him back here. I’m sure he talks in his sleep, but I didn’t want to chance the sound of my breathing waking him up.

He had been up past his usual bedtime when I told him it was time to get ready for bed. He told me that he really didn’t have to go to bed yet. So I told him he had been up an hour and twelve minutes (and 23 seconds, but who was counting?) longer than usual and I thought that was more than generous of me.

His sister hadn’t packed his pajamas, so we dealt with that and sent him off to bed. Then he needed a drink and he was off to bed. Then he had to go to the bathroom and was off to bed. Then, after telling me he didn’t need night lights any more, he couldn’t see to get to the bed; so we discussed that and he went to bed. Then he told me he would leave the light on until he could say hello and goodnight to MFD (who was at a guitar class that evening) and could I turn the light off when I went to bed; and then he went to bed. Then he had to inform me, this wasn’t something he did on purpose, it just happened, that he woke up at 0700. After informing him that was fine, but that if Uncle KSA was still sleeping, he had to be quiet, he went to bed. Forty-eight minutes later, after I told MFD that if Levi got up one more time, she should tell him she was going to get me, I collapsed on my bed.

Peace and quiet until 0650. Lainy was outside, chain smoking. She had gotten up about 0530, and guess who was there waiting for her when she came out of the bathroom?

We ended up having to take Levi to Mass with us. MFS was home when we got back, but he wasn’t quite ready to take Levi home yet. Levi was ready to go into Leech Mode, but I told him he had to leave MFS alone so he could finish up as soon as possible. Then they were finally out of here. Another 5 minutes and I might have taken up smoking again!

I don’t think they can ever come up with a drug strong enough to numb an experience like that, but I did learn some interesting things about Lovi and her family. Bwahahahahahahahaha!

All in all, I have to say it was entertaining, [twitch]

Flo

They're Here, They're Here!

Look what I got yesterday:

Yes, those would be my new canisters and cookbook from Holly! Aren’t they beautiful? Couldn’t have asked for anything more perfect. (And do you see the third knife from the top? That would be the one that attacked me.)

Here’s reference for ya, Holly, so you know where in the kitchen the pictures were taken:

The dogs love Aunt Holly for using UPS. PJ climbs halfway into the truck waiting for the guy to come out with her treat!

I barely had a chance to remove all the bubble wrap before I had to play Farmer Fran and go bale hay with KSA. But I can hardly wait to try out some of these recipes. First will be the Classic Crème Brulee, which looks like the easiest recipe I have come across.

I bet if I come up with the Ultimate Crème Brulee Diet, I’ll be more famous than Jared from Subway!

Flo

My Week

It has been such a traumatic week, I don’t know how long it will take to recover. Holly and her DB left a week ago. I spent Thursday evening in the ER. Lainy did come back Friday, but SHE left me Saturday morning. And, my nephew, Levi (Lovi’s son), was dumped at my house for over 24 hours.

If you’re in need of a really good set of kitchen knives, let me know and I’ll put you in touch with a very nice salesman. His name is MFS and he’s selling Cutco this summer. I must warn you, though, they are sharp. They scared me even before I sliced open my poor little pinkie. But did MFS have any sympathy for his mother? No. First, he wanted to know why I had my finger in the way, then he informed me that I was using the wrong “tool” for the job. So he didn’t get any Key Lime Pie. Of course, neither did anyone else, since I was only halfway through the second lime when the knife decided my finger looked like a lime.

Five stitches in my little bitty pinkie. At least I finally have the tube bandage off and can semi type without hitting three keys at once with my finger.

The doc made me a little nervous, though. The first time he came in to look at it, he asked how long it had been since my last tetanus shot. I knew he hadn’t seen the chart when I answered that it had been 15 or 20 minutes.

The nurse’s station was right across from me, and a little later I heard one of the nurses go up to him and say, “You ordered 10cc and it comes 25mg/10cc, so I just wanted to make sure you wanted 25mg.” He mumbled a few seconds and said he thought he wanted 250mg, and the nurses said, “No, that’s Keflex.” So he said, “Oh, you’re right. Then that’s ok.” Then he came into my room to sew my finger. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I did feel a little bad when, after going on and on and on about what he was going to do and why, he told me I was braver than he was because I was watching him as he stitched me up, I couldn’t take it any more and finally told him I had been an ER nurse. There was a kind of awkward moment when he was probably thinking, “Gee, don’t I feel stupid rattling on about stuff you already knew.”

MFD was at guitar lessons when we left, so I had called to tell her we were at the hospital. “You’re at the hospital? Can I come see you?” I told her I was just in the ER waiting for them to look and see if I needed stitches. Then she asked, “Are you bleeding…profusely?” I gave KSA a dirty look and I told her she spent too much time around her father.

Flo

What Nursing Shortage?

My oldest nephew’s girlfriend graduated from nursing school this year. She had been given a sign-on bonus with one of the local hospitals. Turns out it wasn’t a job guarantee and it was only a bonus if you were actually hired, otherwise it was a loan. She interviewed for a couple of positions, and upon contacting them after not hearing back from them like they said they would, she was told they had no more positions for graduate nurses.

She talked to another hospital. Same story.

She has since been hired at a smaller community hospital, in the department she actually wanted. So it turned out for the best, but what a bunch of crap.

You’re not going to get an experienced nurse if you don’t give them the opportunity to get some experience. So don’t tell me you’re desperately in need of nurses, but you’re not willing to put forth the time to mentor them.

Flo

And the Winner Is...

If you visited my blog yesterday around 0630, Hughes out of West Frankfort, Ill is your ISP, and your browser is Firefox: congratulations! You were visitor number 5000! Ask me a question, any question, and I might answer it for you.

Flo

Boo Hooie

[sniff] [sniff]

The house is too quiet. [sniff sniff]

No, Lainy, you may not have a new blog. I’m too depressed to write.

Boo hoo hoo hoooooooooooooo. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

[sniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiffle]

Flo

Wild Women

Heaven help me if Holly, Kate, Lainy, and Phlegm are ever all with me at the same time. I’m not sure my cheeks could stand that much exercise. It’s been about all I can handle with only two of them. And I think I know way more about them than I really need to. We’ll just say that their husbands are fortunate and leave it at that. Thank goodness for the bottomless margarita bucket!

Truly, it has been so much fun. I’ve missed both of them and don’t get to see them near often enough. Holly and Lainy hit it right off, which makes it pretty convenient, and I’m sure adding Kate and Phlegm to the mix could only quadruple the fun and antics.

MFD had a friend over the other day and for some reason, we had to share bra designs and colors. I’m not sure how many margaritas we had had at that point. Couldn’t have been too many, because we left shortly after that.

There we are, cruising topless down the highway. Suddenly, in the rearview mirror, Holly sees Lainy flashing someone in the car next to us, and waving and yelling “I love you.” Poor Holly thought Lainy had lost it, until I told her it was MFD and her friend.

KSA and Holly’s Dearly Beloved have been getting along marvelously. I think they’ve been very glad to have each other to go off and do manly things [I had to put my foot down and tell my Dearly Beloved he could NOT have a Tractor like KSA. Our yard is not big enough to warrant the use of a tractor for mowing. He was mighty disappointed.] instead of following in our wake and watching us spread sunshine wherever we go.

When we went to visit them over New Year’s, Holly promised to show KSA how to make her famous chicken spaghetti, and she did. She supervised, and from listening to some of his questions, she was ever so patient. But it not only turned out edible, it was pretty darn good. He’s so proud of himself. He’s ready to do it again. This afternoon, he learned how to make Reese's Cup cookies and Calzones. He is now a Master Chef.

GUESS WHAT?!?! One of the things Holly is giving me for my birthday is a cook book—for CRÈME BRULEE!!!!!! I am SO excited, I can hardly wait for her to get back home and send it to me. Because of course I had a brain fart and left it at home instead of packing it!

Oh goodness, what else have we been doing? I can’t think of much else right now, other than having a blast just visiting. I’m sure I’ll come up with more when I finish crying after they leave tomorrow. In the meantime, there are still margaritas in the freezer—and we CAN’T have that, so excuse me for now.

Flo and Holly

MPD Alert

I try to keep all my people under control here, but sometimes they just won’t shut up. If I want to get anything done the next few days, I need to mention a few things just to get them off my back.

Here’s your Public Service Announcement for the day: Never Use Dry Heat. I’ve been dealing with a headache for several days, so after a follow up with my primary doc for my blood pressure, she sent me off to the chiropractor. He said when dealing with inflammatory pain, always use a moist towel with your heating pad. In the long run, dry heat makes the inflammation worse.

I feel another episode of Backspace (thanks, Lovi—claim your margarita next time you’re over) coming on. In case your monitor isn’t blurry because of all the bouncing and giggling going on, Holly and her Dearly Beloved are coming to see me for a few days. Lainy will do an over-nighter on the way to visit her sons, too. So I’ll be busy eating (and drinking) and visiting (and drinking) and cooking (and drinking) and laughing (and drinking). Somewhere in there, Holly wants to write a blog, but I’m afraid there won’t be much reading going on, so I’ll have to play catch up.

Shortly after I wrote about the beaver on the lake, I think he died. However, now I think we have a heron/egret/ibis/some kind of Big Bird family going on. I’ve seen the one…or maybe the other…for a few years. I haven’t got a picture yet—either I don’t have my camera, or he flies off just as I’m getting ready to take the perfect one. As I was leaving yesterday, three birds took off at once. Mama and Papa for sure, I just couldn’t tell if the third was the same kind of bird or not. But still, at least two of them. How cool is that?

One of us heard there may be access to an incriminating picture somewhere on this page. That’s all the info you Enquiring Minds are going to get.

I heard an advertisement for an organization/storage store on the radio the other day. The woman commented that her closet used to be the most embarrassing room in the house. Room??? Is that the latest in home buying? 3 bed/2 bath/2 closet…and here we have the master bedroom, but wait until you see the closet, it’s a room in itself! Huh, and all this time I was thinking my closets were unique.

Check my site or Holly’s in the next few days, one of us might sober up long enough to write something. Have a happy and safe 4^th of July. Phlegm, Kate, wish y’all could be here, too. We’ll drink one for you. Then we’ll drink one to you! Then we’ll drink…

Flo

Hospital Abuse

Ambulance Driver was causing a stir over nursing homes again. I believe it was Grunt Doc’s post he referred us to that got one nurse’s dander up. Well, I don’t think anyone is perfect, but this poor nurse was looking for excuses to blame everyone but the nursing home for the problem that was mentioned. The doc had posted about a nursing home that transferred patients to the ER with altered documentation. In particular, medication administration records in which the times of administration had been intentionally left off. This nurse, after admitting this was a common practice in some institutions, then tried to lay the blame on EMS for losing the documentation.

Say what???

Then she stepped in it a little deeper when she said that the hospital didn’t need documentation that could later be used to cause grief for the nursing home. First, I seriously doubt hospital docs and nurses have the time to sit around and peruse nursing home documents, looking for every little error. Second, the doc probably just wanted to know if the patient had taken the latest dose or two of medication and a quick glance at the document, that should have been there, would have done it. Third, that document wouldn’t come back to haunt the nursing home if the medication had been properly administered, or not, and documented. So what’s the problem?

Anyway, just to show I am not completely biased against nursing homes, I wanted to tell you a story I read about hospitals and patient care:

A sweet grandmother telephoned Mount Sinai Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, Dear. What's the name and room number?" The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Holly Finkel, room 302."

The Operator replied, "Let me check. Oh, good news. Her records say that Holly is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday."

The Grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you for the good news." The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Holly your daughter?" The Grandmother said, "No, I'm Holly Finkel in 302. No one tells me shit.”

Flo

As The Pool Drains

When I was growing up, we lived across the street from the neighborhood swimming pool. My brother and sisters and I basically lived there during the summer. We were all on the swim team and I paid my way through high school by working in the concession stand and later as a lifeguard. Yep, at one time I had a semi Bikini Body, a heck of a tan, and could twirl a whistle like a pro. I don’t know why I wasn’t auditioned for Bay Watch.

Oh. Yes I do. Something about that “semi” part. Never mind.

But hey, I could have saved a life if I needed to.

There always seemed to be one drama or another going on, as tends to happen when you get a bunch of teens together. Jack had finally asked Jill out. Mary was trying to break up Tarzan and Jane so she could have him all to herself. Did you see the swimsuit Brenda wore? Bonnie was seen with Clyde back behind the tennis courts. AND, Sylvester asked Tweetie to play miniature golf. Scandalous!

We always joked we could write our own soap opera and call it “As the Pool Drains.”

I was reminded of this last week as I was trying to catch up on all my blogs from while I had been away. Then I thought again how nice it would be if someone would do a summary like you might see in TV Guide. Maybe they do it in Soap Opera Digest, too, but I don’t know. It might go something like this:

“Last week on As the Blog Rolls: MattG is breaking coffee carafes and telling bad jokes because he is no longer seeing blood spatter. LawDog is mumbling Gregorian chants while looking for his Muse. Mair has been watching movies with Fred and gives him a thumbs up. DragonWatch is on to the big oil companies and thinks they’re in cahoots with Rednecks. Holly is on pins and needles—oops, Holly has pins in her hand and wants a needle of Versed. Lovi is on hiatus because of her J-O-B. Kate receives continuing education units for sobering thoughts. Phlegm gets a ^5 for her Michael Moore comments and needs to give Ambulance Driver her beach towel. AD is once again writing in the nude and is in love with BabsRN, who wrote his theme song:

Come ‘n list’n to my story ‘bout a medic named AD,
Who could tell ya all about pathophysiology.

And then one day he was startin’ an IV,
When off to his left he could see his enemy.

Sumdood, that is…

Slimeball…

Drinkin’ Two Beers.”

Shall we see who can come up with the best second verse? And any other suggestions for the name of our little soap opera here in the blogosphere?

Flo