Rant and Pray

Ok, well, we never went out of town. Here’s the deal:

I received a call and the day we were supposed to leave I had to go in to see the surgeon about the pathology report on the lump that was removed from my breast. It is ductal type cancer, however, it is very small (0.6 cm) and Stage 1. The tumor profile came back the next day and the nurse said it was “favorable,” but I don’t know the specifics of that yet. I had a special MRI Friday afternoon and am waiting for the results.

Right now, I basically have three options; all involve further surgery. Option 1 is clean out a little more around the area the tumor came from. The margins of the tumor were clear; this is just extra precaution to make sure they got it all. Then they’ll check the lymph nodes while I’m in surgery and take some out if necessary. Afterwards, I will have to have some type of radiation therapy.

Option 2 is a mastectomy; option 3 would involve simultaneous reconstruction. I will probably not require radiation with either of those.

We don’t know about chemotherapy yet. I imagine that will depend on what the profile results mean, and if the MRI shows any more tumors.

I know things will turn out fine. It took a couple of days for the shaking inside to go away, and I think that mainly came from the word. Cancer, no matter how favorable the prognosis, is a gut-clenching, kick-in-the-teeth word. Especially if you’re not expecting it, which I wasn’t. I think even my doctor was caught by surprise.

Supposedly, a mammogram can detect tumors that can’t be felt. This one could be felt, but didn’t show up on the mammogram. My PCP also requested an ultrasound of the lump. Nothing there. When I saw the surgeon, she said of course it felt abnormal, but it didn’t feel like a tumor. Even when she took it out, she didn’t think it felt cancerous.

How in the hell can something that’s there, especially something that’s now obviously abnormally there, not be there on the films?

Anyway, as I said, I know it will be ok. However, there are already some changes in my priorities, and the time I spend on the computer is one of them. Right now I’m doing well to keep up with my email.

To my daily and regular readers, I’m sorry I’m going to become scarce and unpredictable, but I want to thank all of you that have taken the time to visit. I told MFSG that there were about a bazillion people praying for me (and she responded that she made it a bazillion and one), including a priest and an entire convent of nuns, and this simple gesture of love from my family and friends brings tears of gratitude to my eyes. Because of the blog world, I’ve added a few more to my family, and you have brought me laughter and joy with your visits and comments and your own blogs.

May God bless each of you. You’re all special people, and I hope to continue seeing you around here and there.

HOWEVER…

(What? You thought I would leave on a mushy note? Not hardly! It’s time for the rant part.)

KSA and I did get out for a couple of days last weekend. One of the things we did was go see Jodie Foster’s new movie “The Brave One.” If you haven’t seen it, and you want to see it, stop reading right here.

I like Jodie Foster, I think she’s a very good actress, but I expected better of her. This movie pissed me off. I was ready to leave after her third violent encounter. But I told myself: “I know she’s usually the good guy, but surely she isn’t portraying a person who is glorified for purposely, knowingly, going-out-of-her-way calculatingly, to find and off the bad guys.”

She is. And she even ends up with the police detective on her side. I was disgusted.

Sure, she was killing bad guys. The first couple were even understandable. A guy comes in a convenience store and shoots his ex, then comes looking for her when her phone starts ringing. I’m thinking justifiable, even though her gun wasn’t registered. So why didn’t she call 9-1-1 instead of sneaking off?

A dude is holding a knife to her throat on the subway, she blows him away. Sure, I would, too. I’m not sure about his buddy, though. I don’t remember how fast it happened. And again, she runs away. But when she walks up to the creepy guy in the car after he calls to her, oh yeah, she’s lookin’ for trouble.

The humor at the end also just set me off. Then, wah-lah, she’s a heroine.

She might have even been “The Brave One” if she hadn’t taken matters into her own hands.

Flo