Thursday, September 27, 2007

Rant and Pray

Ok, well, we never went out of town. Here’s the deal:

I received a call and the day we were supposed to leave I had to go in to see the surgeon about the pathology report on the lump that was removed from my breast. It is ductal type cancer, however, it is very small (0.6 cm) and Stage 1. The tumor profile came back the next day and the nurse said it was “favorable,” but I don’t know the specifics of that yet. I had a special MRI Friday afternoon and am waiting for the results.

Right now, I basically have three options; all involve further surgery. Option 1 is clean out a little more around the area the tumor came from. The margins of the tumor were clear; this is just extra precaution to make sure they got it all. Then they’ll check the lymph nodes while I’m in surgery and take some out if necessary. Afterwards, I will have to have some type of radiation therapy.

Option 2 is a mastectomy; option 3 would involve simultaneous reconstruction. I will probably not require radiation with either of those.

We don’t know about chemotherapy yet. I imagine that will depend on what the profile results mean, and if the MRI shows any more tumors.

I know things will turn out fine. It took a couple of days for the shaking inside to go away, and I think that mainly came from the word. Cancer, no matter how favorable the prognosis, is a gut-clenching, kick-in-the-teeth word. Especially if you’re not expecting it, which I wasn’t. I think even my doctor was caught by surprise.

Supposedly, a mammogram can detect tumors that can’t be felt. This one could be felt, but didn’t show up on the mammogram. My PCP also requested an ultrasound of the lump. Nothing there. When I saw the surgeon, she said of course it felt abnormal, but it didn’t feel like a tumor. Even when she took it out, she didn’t think it felt cancerous.

How in the hell can something that’s there, especially something that’s now obviously abnormally there, not be there on the films?

Anyway, as I said, I know it will be ok. However, there are already some changes in my priorities, and the time I spend on the computer is one of them. Right now I’m doing well to keep up with my email.

To my daily and regular readers, I’m sorry I’m going to become scarce and unpredictable, but I want to thank all of you that have taken the time to visit. I told MFSG that there were about a bazillion people praying for me (and she responded that she made it a bazillion and one), including a priest and an entire convent of nuns, and this simple gesture of love from my family and friends brings tears of gratitude to my eyes. Because of the blog world, I’ve added a few more to my family, and you have brought me laughter and joy with your visits and comments and your own blogs.

May God bless each of you. You’re all special people, and I hope to continue seeing you around here and there.


(What? You thought I would leave on a mushy note? Not hardly! It’s time for the rant part.)

KSA and I did get out for a couple of days last weekend. One of the things we did was go see Jodie Foster’s new movie “The Brave One.” If you haven’t seen it, and you want to see it, stop reading right here.

I like Jodie Foster, I think she’s a very good actress, but I expected better of her. This movie pissed me off. I was ready to leave after her third violent encounter. But I told myself: “I know she’s usually the good guy, but surely she isn’t portraying a person who is glorified for purposely, knowingly, going-out-of-her-way calculatingly, to find and off the bad guys.”

She is. And she even ends up with the police detective on her side. I was disgusted.

Sure, she was killing bad guys. The first couple were even understandable. A guy comes in a convenience store and shoots his ex, then comes looking for her when her phone starts ringing. I’m thinking justifiable, even though her gun wasn’t registered. So why didn’t she call 9-1-1 instead of sneaking off?

A dude is holding a knife to her throat on the subway, she blows him away. Sure, I would, too. I’m not sure about his buddy, though. I don’t remember how fast it happened. And again, she runs away. But when she walks up to the creepy guy in the car after he calls to her, oh yeah, she’s lookin’ for trouble.

The humor at the end also just set me off. Then, wah-lah, she’s a heroine.

She might have even been “The Brave One” if she hadn’t taken matters into her own hands.


Monday, September 10, 2007

I'm Leavin' On a Jet Plane

I do know when I’ll be back again, but I’m not gonna tell you, otherwise you’ll either start worrying about or yelling at me cuz I haven’t posted in ages.

And before you start hollerin’, Lainy, I already got my excuses all lined up for why I won’t be posting while I’m gone. Unlike Holly, who drove, I am flying. Our hosts are picking us up and driving us around, so I don’t have personal transportation to go to the library. And it’s not like I’m going to visit my brother, either. It’s a guy KSA worked with that retired, so it wouldn’t be very polite of me to help myself to his computer. If he even has one. With his view of the mountains, I sure as heck wouldn’t!

We’re headed toward Minden, NV and some kind of air races. Evidently I’ll be allowed to attend one day, whereas the men folk will be going twice. I think I might be flying in a glider, too, and I’m hoping I don’t puke. I heard mention of Napa Valley, but I’m not sure. Isn’t that in California? I hope I don’t need my passport, I’m not even sure it’s current.

Y’all be good while I’m gone, cuz I ain’t comin’ back to bail you out of jail.


P.S. I see MFSG has visited some. Everybody wave and tell her hi!

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Talk Around the Water Cooler

There are a couple of women leaning against either side of the door jamb, just inside the kitchen. This poor dude walks up to the two on his way into the kitchen, and asks one of the women if she needs to stay on the rosary list.

Woman 1: Yes, please, I’d really appreciate it.
Woman 2: So when are you having it done?
Woman 1: Tomorrow.
Woman 2: You know, I still have like a dent where I had it done several years ago.
Woman 1: Really? Was it a needle biopsy or did they take it completely out?
Woman 2: Just a needle biopsy—I don’t have that much there to begin with.
Woman 1: I know exactly what you mean!
Woman 2: You know, one side is bigger than the other.
Woman 1: I know, and they’re taking it out of the one that’s smaller to begin with!
Poor Dude: Excuse me ladies, you’re getting a little technical on me here. I think I’ll just slide on by you and grab me some fruit and crackers.


So Lovi calls me the day after my biopsy, checking up to see how I was doing. She asked how big the lump was. I said I didn’t know, maybe the size of a pea, maybe less. So she says, “Do ya still have a boob left?”

Don’t ya just love sisters?



Thursday, September 06, 2007

Stadol vs. Versed

This morning, Holly and I were discussing the benefits of Versed. I think she’s even written a blog about it, IIRC. Yesterday, I had, I think, my first experience with it.

See, I went to see the breast surgeon Tuesday. She’s pretty confident it’s nothing to be concerned about, but we decided to take the lump out for peace of mind. KSA and I are going out of town next week, and the only time the surgeon had open before then was Wednesday.

So off I go for outpatient surgery yesterday. They gave me what I think they called “anesthesia with sedation,” and one of the drugs they used was Versed. It was good, I was nicely sedated. They said I’d go to sleep nice and wake up nice. I don’t know how nice I was, but I did wake up easily, surprised it was all over. And I was tired the rest of the day, but not groggy.

So yes, I have to say that the Versed did relax me. However, Stadol made me feel Oh So Good.

I had Stadol when I was in labor with both of the kids. I didn’t have a whole lot of time to experience its effects with MFS, but I was laying on my back, looking up at KSA, and his eyes were suddenly SO blue. They were about the purtiest blue eyes I ever did see!

Well, it was a whole different story with MFD. (Of course, what else would you expect?) I’m sitting up in bed, they’re pushing the Stadol as I’m having a contraction. I’m starting to feel really good, floating along, and suddenly, I’m feeling so good I’m laughing. Practically hysterically. I couldn’t stop.

In the mean time, MFS is sitting on my mom’s lap, looking at me, and says, “Not funny, Mommy. NOT funny, Mommy!”

KSA’s eyes didn’t turn as blue that time, though. Then again, the back of her head was pressing on my back, so instead of looking at his eyes, I was yelling at him to “get her out of there!”

I still do think I prefer my Stadol.


Thank You

When it’s more than just Lainy checking up on me, I know I have been horribly remiss in posting. I’m so lucky to have the family and friends that I do, including my blog family. It really brings tears to my eyes when I think of your concern.

Thanks for asking about me, I’m sorry to have worried you and I’ll try not to do it again.